Who put fruit in my Jack & Coke?

I'm sitting here in my lovely Jeff City hoel room, enjoying a Jack Daniel's Black Jack Cola. Or so I thought!

First, I noticed it tasting fruity. I thought it must be off-brand cola. Then I read the label...

A refreshing beverage with the classic flavor of cola, with a HINT of lemon and lime flavors.

Hint, my ass! If I wanted a fruity drink tonight, I would buy it. I wanted Jack, Coke and noting else. Hell, they sell Lynchburg Lemonade. Isn't that enough fruity Jack?

I need a real drink.

Back from Arch Captivity

Whew! I thought they'd never let me leave!

Those "secret forces" that use the Arch to control the weather have let me free. But only on the condition I never reveal how this summer will be.

I'm tempted, but I know they may take me again. They don't want me influencing the markets with inside knowledge.

It was scary being there! They subjected me to several mind-altering tests which make me temporarily lose all memory and current train of thought.

So remember... two nuns walk down the street swinging baseball bats...

Damn! Nevermind.