5-1/2 Years, 3-1/2 Hours, 19 Minutes

The year, 1996. November.

Tonight, I am at the same point in the same house as that November morning where details still flow in my mind like water. That night...

Where 5-1/2 Years, 3-1/2 Hours, 19 Minutes all came together.

On that November Saturday morning, technically, since it was 2am... it all came together.

It was 5-1/2 years from that fateful early April in 1991, when I had to let my sister go. Back then, in shock, I didn't have the words. I was wounded, not even dead.

Then, 5-1/2 years later, it came roaring back. The last time I saw him, he gave Pam to me. Then he was gone, my new bride devastated.

On the Friday after I took her to Metamora, I drove home alone. 3-1/2 hours. The question, I kept asking. The answers kept forming.

I drove to see Mom first. We talked at 1am. Then I went back to Pacific.

The next morning was deer season. I was supposed to be there. Instead, at 2am, I see four deer along the road. I stopped, rolled down the window, and whispered, "Hey! It's deer season tomorrow! You better go hide!"

I went the last mile home. Robotic at this point, I walked in the house, turned on the computer, then put Springsteen's Born to Run CD in the player. Selected Jungleland. Pressed play.

I started typing. When the song ended, I stopped typing, only long enough to restart the song.

Two plays, 19 minutes, countless tears, and I was finished. The only words to date I loved enough to copyright. The words in that poem, and their meaning, guide me today.

You have losses. You suffer losing ones you love. You have to honor them... by living. And being you.

If you know me, you know I'm a goofball. But it's by design. I made Carol laugh and I hope to someday share the jokes with her she hasn't been here to see.

It took me 5-1/2 Years, 3-1/2 Hours, 19 Minutes to get that message. May I never let it go.

How Clear are Your Windows?

This morning I stood in the doorway of what was my daughter’s room.  Grown and moved away, the room didn’t go with her.  This is not important.

What is important are the windows.  While one is decades old, the other was replaced yesterday.  I studied them, one then the other.  Though it only took a moment, the lesson was life changing.

When Pam and I bought this house over fifteen years ago, these windows were there.  Looking back, the windows have always been bad, but we didn’t really care.  We had a home we loved.

Actually, our lives have been lived in houses with bad windows.  My parents got a great deal on windows that were problems from day one.  Her parents lived in a farmhouse, where farmers took care of tractors, barns and silos, not houses.

We accepted the windows, that is, until our roofer pointed out the frames on one side of the house were completely rotted away.  We accepted draftiness and evidence that not one single window was sealed properly.  We couldn’t accept gaping holes into our home. 

We agreed to replace the windows, but just the three on that side.  We had just replaced the roof and gutters.  We were now going over the “have-to” budget for those items.  Like most people, we have limits to our spending.

This weekend, after a new window was installed in one of the bedrooms, Pam mentioned that we really need to do the other in those rooms. “It doesn’t look right.”  I pursed my lips then smiled as the installer asked her for a date.  We agreed on two more windows.

As I looked this morning, two windows became a lesson.  While I could see out the old window, the fog of unsealed glass clouded what I saw.  I knew this fog was there years ago, yet it didn’t move me to change my view.  Only by removing the distortion was I forced to see more clearly in the new window.

Life is that way.  Sometimes we know we have things affecting our view, yet we think we see clearly (or clear enough).  All too often, we wait for life’s changes to try to see differently.

Today’s mission is for you to ask you, “How clear are the windows in my eyes? What is clouding my view?  Is there something I can change today to see more clearly?”

I don’t have that answer.  Even writing this left me with those questions.  Questions I know I should find comfort in seeking the answers anew tomorrow.  I also know myself as a recovering perfectionist.  I’m not at ease writing this.  I want to ask, “What did I miss?”  I need to change that window, asking instead, “What am I about to miss?”

I don’t know how to end this; you can take it from here.  Go look at your life’s windows.

Be Punchable!

This post is a response to “Hello, My Name is” Scott Ginsberg’s request for “-able” words.

http://www.hellomynameisblog.com/2010/08/win-copy-of-nametag-guys-new-book.html

Be Punchable!

By Duke Matlock

Historically, Punchable is known for targeting aggressions, e.g., "The more they play that Nickelback song, the more punchable they become."  I think there is an alternative.

While Punchable invokes a physical image, it better defines attitude.  Punchable is the ability to combat adversity with resilience.  Punchable success is not success in spite of adverse limitations; rather it is success because of your ability to overcome adversity.

Punchable is the ability to take a punch, dust yourself off the canvas quickly, and get back into the fight.  This leads to my first example.

Sylvester Stallone made a series of successful Rocky movies on the main character being punchable and successful.  With the Rocky series, we can count the “punches” the hero overcomes from movie to movie.

Rocky I – Obscurity, Doubt, Feelings of Worthlessness

Rocky II – Survivability, Criticism, Skepticism

Rocky III – Complacency, Loss of Father Figure

Rocky IV – Loss of Best Friend, Opponent’s Superior Technology

Rocky V – Health Issues, Financial Ruin, Misplaced Loyalty

Rocky Balboa – Death of Spouse, Aging

Through all of these, Rocky takes the punches, in and out of the ring, and has enough to stand tall in the end.  Rocky defines punchable.

Another punchable hero, who earned an entire book in the Bible, is Job.  In the Book of Job, he is tested time and again.  Job loses everything but his faith.  For surviving the punches, God rewards Job handsomely.

The stories of Job and Rocky teach the same message, “Be Punchable!”

Life gives us all punches.  We lose jobs.  We lose loved ones.  We lose our youth and our health.  We fail.

Despite our other losses, being punchable means never losing ourselves and our inner spirit.

On a really bad day, I coined a phrase I now hold dear. “When life kicks you in the teeth, spit out the ones you’ve lost and smile.  When you’re out of teeth, get dentures.”

Life knocks us all down sometimes.  That’s life.  The survivors punch back.

So be punchable!

Paid in Full - Dad

I really have to post about how much is said in so few words. Here's an example.

A couple of months ago the sump pump went out in the basement. This pump handles the drain from the water softener, so having it fail would up a big deal. The back of the basement was a pond, lots of drywall was ruined (along with other stuff).

The night we found it, I called Dad and my friend Scott to help us get the water out. Now Dad is 77, 39 in Dad years, and goes to bed early every night. Still, he came to help with no problem, leaving around midnight.

We cleared the area (which we use for storage) and let it dry. Then I removed the damaged drywall. I did it myself, not wanting to bother Dad to get under the 2-foot-high shelf to get it out.

Most of the drywall I'm not going to replace. But the water worked it's way into my office, where Dad had added a closet and finished it with plaster. I did ask if he could fix it sometime, no hurry. That was Sunday, Father's Day.

Last night, when Pam and I go home and put the car in the garage, we noticed the office door was open. I walked into the office. The damage was fixed, good as new.

On a box in front of the closet sat two empty Bud Light bottles and a note.

It read, "Paid in Full - Dad".

Dad, it never will be.

Duke Does Weight Loss

As I have grown over the years, especially in the gut, I've talked about needing to lose a "bowling ball". I do this so often, I think of weight loss in terms of bowling balls. (16 pounds = 1 ball)

Earlier this year, I hit the scale at 226. Recently, I passed the 1 ball mark of 210!

Next stop, 2 balls at 194! Let the pounds fall like pins!

Great Quote

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
Mark Twain

Was God looking out for a darkening of the creatively intelligent Dukeness? We have to ponder... oh well.

Rules for Doing Laundry

Rule #1 - If any daughter is coming home from college for the weekend, make sure you get your clothes in the washer on Friday morning. Otherwise, you will have to wait until late Sunday night.

Rule #2 - Have at least two pairs of the same style of socks. That way you can have a rotating pair, with alternating single socks disappearing and reappearing at random times.

Rule #3 - If you have an article of clothing you haven't seen in a while, look at the bottom of the dirty clothes basket.

More to come!